Tue 12.02.2008

marc jäger







Ant's Clown Runner page

CLOWN RUNNER STORY BOARDS (warning: This page has 8.76MB images)


Clown Runner WORKSHOP including images, concepts, ideas and the script.


For makeup, costumes, casting, sets, props etc

MISC concepts:

These, and evil ronald there, show how SIMPLE makeup is often the best...


Rachael concepts:

I don't imagine nearly as much or strong make-up as this - i think the white should only be hinted at and the nose - left normal and no corners to mouth. Else below is a good example of what I think she'd look good with:
  simple and subtle eye stuff
More like it, more subtle (from H.Jager)
The idea for Rachel is 'Harelquin'.

Leon concepts:

Makeup ideas

Leon of Blade Runner

Zhora concepts

Zhora ideas?
Cast Kristijana?

Gaff concepts:

Casting Grant as Gaff



Keeping in mind the costumes don't need any altering (Blade Runner's costumes are pretty theatrical anyway- just face make-up)

  MISC concepts:

Batty concepts:

outfit idea?

Casting Marc as Batty?

I imagine this look would be good for Roy Batty if we go for Batty as menacing clown rather than a funny or ridiculous one. R/H side is H.Jager's Batty concept (ie keep his shock of blonde hair if going with this style of makeup)

eye makeup idea only

Pris concepts:

Pris of Blade Runner
Cast Lou?

pretty pointless pic but i thought Ant would like it...




On this page: | IMAGES | CHARACTER NAMES | SCRIPT | ^ TO TOP ^ |

Batty - Babby, Bongo, Bazzy, Baggy
Leon - Loopy,
Pris - ..Patches.... Poodles.... Poopy. Poppy...Pickles, Puddles, Piddles
Zora - Znoopy

LaLa, Cheezo, Bippo, Dippo, Zippo, Mr. Giggles, Noodles, Seesaw, Oopsie, Flopsweat, Hoohaw, Jitters and Sir Widebottom

Can have non-clowny names
Deckard - Dickhard
Rachael - Rabbid, Rabbit
Holden - Holder
Capt Bryant - Bribie? Bribed?
Gaff - Gaffa? Staff?
Chew - Chew Chew?
Sebastian - Bartholemew?


On this page: | IMAGES | CHARACTER NAMES | SCRIPT | ^ TO TOP ^ |

Working Script
- Notes:
- Charcter's name's are still listed as the names used in Blade Runner. We have yet to decide on our charcter's names.
- White = Characters
- Yellowish text = Dickhard's internal monologue
- Blueish = scene notes
- Orange = need feedback from Anthony Marriot

Holden: Come in. Sit down.
Leon (aka Loopy?): Care if I talk? I'm kind of nervous when I take an audition.
Holden: Uh, just please don't move.
Leon: Oh, sorry. I already had one audition this year, I don't think I've ever had one of these-
Holden: Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Now, answer as quickly as you can.
Leon: Sure.
Holden: Knock Knock.
Leon: What?
Holden: What?
Leon: What?.
Holden: What?
Leon: Sorry, yeh, that part of the test?
Holden: No, just warming you up, that's all.
Leon: Oh. "Who's there?"
Holden: You're in the ring, all the audiences eyes are on you, you walk forward when all of the sudden-
Leon: Is this the test now?
Holden: Yes. You're in the ring walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down-
Leon: What one?
Holden: What?
Leon: What Circus?
Holden: It doesn't make any difference what circus, it's completely hypothetical.
Leon: But how big is the audience?
Holden: Maybe there's a 100 people, maybe 1000, who knows? You look down and you see a dwarf, Leon, he's crawling towards you-
Leon: Dwarf, what's that?
Holden: Know what a midget is?
Leon: Of course.
Holden: Same thing.
Leon: I've never seen a dwarf *Holden gives filthy look*- But I understand what you mean.
Holden: You reach down, you flip the dwarf over on his back Leon.
Leon: Do you make up these questions, Mr. Holden, or do they write them down for you?
Holden: The dwarf lays on his back, his belly baking in the hot spot-lights beating his little legs trying to turn himself over but he can't, not without your help, but you're not helping.
Leon: What do you mean I'm not helping?
Holden: I mean, you're not helping. Why is that Leon?....... They're just questions, Leon. In answer to your query, they're written down for me. It's a test, designed to provoke an emotional response. -- Shall we continue? Describe in single words, only the good things that come in to your mind about... laughter.
Leon: laughter?
Holden: Yeah.
Leon: Let me tell you about laughter... Ah Ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA!

*pisses (or pies) Holden through the wall*

[cut to overhead shot of city, zoom in on Deckard, reading a newspaper/clown magazine]

ad blimp: Unparalleled entertainment awaits you in the Off-World circuses. The chance to see real clowns again in a golden land of comedy and laughter of yesteryear. New... - A new life awaits you in the Off-World colonies. The chance to begin again in a golden land of opportunity and adventure. New climate, recreational facilities.....absolutely free. Brought to you by the Multi-Global Hyper-Mc-Mega-Cola™Corp
Deckard: They don't advertise for killers in a newspaper. That was my profession. Ex-cop, ex-©lownRunner, ex-killer.
Sushi Master: ...shimasho-ka.
ad blimp: Use your new friend as a personal body servant or a tireless field hand -- the custom tailored genetically engineered clowns designed especially for your needs. So come on Homeworld, let's put our team up there....

[Deckard walks over to sushi counter]

Sushi Master: ...kimashita, kimashita. Irasshai, irasshai. Sa dozo. Nani ni shimasho-ka.
Deckard: Give me four.
Sushi Master: Futatsu de jubun desuyo. [Japanese: "Two are really enough"]
Deckard: No, four: two, two, four.
Sushi Master: Futatsu de jubun desuyo.
Deckard: And noodles.
Sushi Master: Wakatte kudasai yo. [Japanese: "Please understand."]
Deckard : Sushi, that's what my ex-wife called me. Cold fish.
Cop: Hey, idi-wa.
Gaff: M'sieu, aduanon kovershim angam bitte. (1) [Fr-Hung-Ger: "Sir, you will please come with me now."]
Sushi Master: He say you under arrest, Mr. Deckard.
Deckard: Got the wrong guy, pal.
Gaff: Lo fa, ne-ko shi-ma, de va-ja Clown... Clown Runner. (2) [Hung: "Ah, don't shit me, man, you're the Clown... Clown
Sushi Master: He say you Clown Runner.
Deckard: Tell him I'm eating.
Gaff: Captain Bryant to ka, me ni omae yo. [Japanese: "It's Captain Bryant wants to see you, y' know!"]
Deckard: Bryant, huh?
Sushi Master: Hai!

[Deckard and Gaff take off vertically in spinner to see Bryant.]

Spinner: ...This is yellow three. Climb and maintain 4000 ... when approaching pad six ...caution...
Deckard: The charmer's name was Gaff. I'd seen him around. Bryant must have upped him to the Clwon Runner unit. That gibberish he talked was city-speak, guttertalk, a mishmash of Japanese, Spanish, German, what have you. I didn't really need a translator. I knew the lingo, every good cop did. But I wasn't going to make it easier for him.
Spinner: on glide path, on course, over the landing threshold.

[Police Station, Bryant's office]

Bryant: Hi ya Dick.
Deckard: Bryant.
Bryant: You wouldn't have come if I'd just asked you to. Sit down pal. C'mon don't be an asshole Dickhard. I've got fived paint jobs walking the streets.
Deckard: Paint jobs, that's what Bryant called Repli-©lowns. In history books he is the kind of cop used to call black men

Bryant: They jumped a shuttle off world -- killed the crew and passengers. They found the shuttle drifting off the coast two
weeks ago so we know they're around.
Deckard: Embarrassing.
Bryant: No sir. Not embarrassing, 'cause no one's ever going to find out they're down here. 'Cause you're going to spot them, and you're going to air them out.
Deckard: I don't work here anymore. Give it to Holder, he's good.
Bryant: I did. He can breathe okay as long as nobody unplugs him. He's not good enough, not good as you. I need you, Dick. This is a bad one, the worst yet. I need the old Clown Runner, I need your magic.
Deckard: I was quit when I come in here, Bryant, I'm twice as quit now.
Bryant: Stop right where you are. You know the score pal. If you're not cop, you're little people.
Deckard: No choice, huh?
Bryant: No choice pal.

[Video room] <show video of Leon interview then the spec stills>

Bryant: --"There was an escape from an off-world Circus. 6 Repli-©lowns, 3 male, 2 female, 1 mime. They slaughtered 23 audience members and jumped a shuttle. An aerial patrol spotted the ship off the coast. No crew, no sight of them. 3 nights ago they tried to break into the PIEWELL CORPORATION. One of them got fried pissing on an electrical fence. We lost the others...."--. On the possibility they might try to infiltrate his employees, I had Holder go over and run Voight-Kampff tests on the new workers. Looks like he got himself one.
    <more video - from the tortoise question>
Deckard: Well I don't get it. What do they risk coming back to earth for? That's unusual. Why--what do they want out of the PieWell Corporation?
Bryant: Well you tell me pal, that's what you're here for.
Deckard: [funny look]. [pause] What's this?
    <video of repliclown's specs>
Bryant: Nexus 6. Roy Batty. Incept date 2016. Circus Acrobatics model. Optimum self-sufficiency. Probably the leader. This is Zhora. She's trained for an off-world burlesque squad. Talk about beauty and the beast, she's both. The fourth skin job is Pris. A basic party pleasure model. The standard item for military clubs in the outer colonies. They were designed to copy comedians and entertainers in every way except their emotions. The designers reckoned that after a few years they might develop their own emotional responses. You know, hate, love, fear, anger, envy. So they built in a fail-safe device.
Deckard: Which is what?
Bryant: four year funniness//Four year life span. - after that, they just aren't funny anymore...and lose the will to live...See clowns just aren't funny... after 4 years they realise this and it makes their... life meaningless, so thy sorta short-cicuit...
Bryant: Now there's a Nexus 6 over at the PieWell Corporation. I want you to go put the machine on it.
Deckard: And if the machine doesn't work?

[Deckard flies to the enormous Tyrell building]

Deckard: I'd quit because I'd had a belly full of killing. But then I'd rather be a killer than a victim. And that's exactly what
Bryant's threat about little people meant. So I hooked in once more, thinking that if I couldn't take it, I'd split later. I
didn't have to worry about Gaff. He was brown-nosing for a promotion, so he didn't want me back anyway.

[Inside the Tyrell building]

Rachael: Do you like our jack-in-the-box?
Deckard: it's cute.
Rachael: Of course it is.
Deckard: Must be funny then.
Rachael: Very. I'm Rachael.
Deckard: Dickhard.
Rachael: It seems you feel our work is not a benefit to the public.
Deckard: Repli-©lowns are like any other entertainer. They're either a benefit or a hazard. If they're a benefit, it's not my problem.
Rachael: May I ask you a personal question?
Deckard: Sure.
Rachael: Have you ever retired a really bad actor by mistake?
Deckard: No.
Rachael: But in your position that is a risk?
Deckard: In this film? ...(glances at camera) yes! <Charlton Heston failed this test, but....> [or inssert other actor]
Tyrell: Is this to be an comedy test? Capillary dilation of the so-called humour response? Fluctuation of the pupil? Involuntary dilation of the iris? Giving someone the giggles?
Deckard: We call it Voight-Kampff for short.
Rachael: Mr. Dickhard, Dr. Eldon PieWrell.
Tyrell: Demonstrate it. I want to see it work.
Deckard: Where's the subject?
Tyrell: I want to see it work on a person. I want to see a negative before I provide you with a positive.
Deckard: What's that going to prove?
Tyrell: Indulge me.
Deckard: On you?
Tyrell: Try her.
Deckard: It's too bright in here.

[the window changes shade, letting less light in]

Rachael: Do you mind if I smoke?
Deckard: It won't affect the test. All right, I'm going to ask you a series of questions. Just relax and answer them as simply as you can. -- It's your birthday. Someone turns up wearing a clown suit.
Rachael: I would ask them to leave. Also, I'd report the person to the police.
Deckard: You've got a little boy. He shows you his card collection which includes some old laurel and hardy trading cards.
Rachael: I'd take him to the doctor.
Deckard: You're watching television. Suddenly you have the feeling you should tell a joke.
Rachael: So what Mr Dickhard?...
Deckard: You're reading a magazine. You come across a fullpage nude hologram of clown porn.
Rachael: Is this testing whether I'm a RepliClown or a pervert, Mr. Deckard?
Deckard: Just answer the questions, please -- You show it to your husband. He likes it so much he hangs it on your bedroom wall.
(Deckard: ...bush outside your window...)
Rachael: I wouldn't let him.
(Deckard : body, green legs...)
Deckard: Why not?
Rachael: I should be funny... I mean, sexy enough for him.
[audio fades out and in, time passes.]
Deckard: One more question. You're watching a stage play. A banquet is in progress. The guests are juggling, tweaking each other's noses and kicking each other in the pants. One man has a pie thrown into his face....

Tyrell: Would you step out for a few moments, Rachael -- Thank you.
Deckard: She's a RepliClown, isn't she?
Tyrell: I'm impressed. How many questions does it usually take to spot them?
Deckard: I don't get it Tyrell.
Tyrell: How many questions?
Deckard: Twenty, thirty, cross-referenced.
Tyrell: It took more than a hundred for Rachael, didn't it?
Deckard: She doesn't know?!
Tyrell: She's beginning to suspect, I think.
Deckard: Suspect? How can it not know what it is?
Tyrell: Commerce, is our goal here at Tyrell. More funny than human is our motto. Rachael is an experiment, nothing more. We began to recognize in them strange obsession. After all they are emotional inexperienced with only a few years in which to store up the experiences which you and I take for granted. If we gift them the past we create a cushion or pillow for their emotions and consequently we can control them better.
Deckard: Memories. You're talking about memories.

[Deckard and Gaff drive to Leon's apartment in spinner, watching Leon's video.]
[Deckard and Gaff inspect the apartment. Deckard finds some glitter in the bathtub and some family photos. Gaff watches quietly, folding an origami statue of a man with an erection.]

Deckard: I didn't know whether Leon gave Holder a legit address. But it was the only lead I had, so I checked it out -- Whatever was in the bathtub it was fun. Serious people don't have glitter. And family photos? Repli-Clowns didn't have families either.

[Leon meets Roy outside of phonebooth]

Roy: Time/funny enough -- Did you get your precious photos?
Leon: (shakes his head no.) Someone was there.
Roy: Man?
Leon: (nods yes)
Roy: Policeman?

[Roy and Leon enter Chew's laboratory]

Chew: (mumbles to himself in Chinese -- screams when hoses are pulled by Roy)
Roy: Hey fiddle dee diddle, the cat played the fiddle. , . << alt:"Did you ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?, I
always, ask that of all my friends, I just like the sound of it">>
Chew: (Chinese). You not come here. Illegal -- Hey. Hey. (Chinese) Cold! Those are my noses! Freezing!
Roy: Yes, questions.
    [Leon removes Chew's jacket.]
Chew: (Chinese, screams)
Roy: Punchlines, One-liners, jokes. What's funny?!
Chew: Don't know -- I, I don't know such stuff. I just do noses. Just noses -- genetic design -- just big red shiny noses. You Humorus 6, huh? I design your nose.
Roy: Chew, if only you could smell what I've smelt with your nose. Questions.
Chew: I don't know answers.
Roy: Who does?
Chew: Piewell. He -- He knows everything.
Roy: Piewell corporation?
Chew: He's big boss. Big genius. He, he design your mind, your sense of humor.
Roy: Ah, funny.
Chew: Cold.
Roy: Not an easy man to sniff out --
Chew: Me cold.
Roy: I guess...
Chew: Se-, Sebastian he take-- take you there, he take you there.
Roy: Sebastian who?
Chew: J. -- J. F. Sebastian-- Sebas... Sebas...
Roy: Now--where... would we find this.... J. F. Sebastian?

[In spinner, listening to Leon's video] [In front of Deckard's apartment]

Elevator: Voice print identification. Your floor number please.
Deckard: Deckard, ninety-seven.
Elevator: Ninety-seven, thank-you, (danke)
Rachael: I wanted to see you -- So I waited. Let me help.
Deckard: What do I need help for?
Rachael: I don't know why he told you what he did.
Deckard: Talk to him.
Rachael: He wouldn't see me.
Deckard: You want a drink? Huh? No?
Rachael: You think I'm a repli-clown, don't you?
Deckard: Hah.
Rachael: Look, it's me with my mother.
Deckard: Yeah. -- Remember when you were six? You and your brother snuck into an empty building through a basement window. You were gonna play doctor. He showed you his, but when it got to be your turn you chickened and ran. Remember that? You ever tell anybody that? Your mother, PieWrell, anybody huh? You remember the spider that lived in a bush outside your window? Orange body, green legs. Watched her build a web all summer. Then one day there was a big egg in it. The egg hatched--
Rachael: The egg hatched...
Rachael: And a hundred baby spiders came out. And they ate her.
Deckard: Implants! Those aren't your memories. They're somebody else's. They're PieWell's niece's -<Rachel looks shattered>- Okay, bad joke. I made a bad joke. You're not a RepliClown. Go home, okay? No really, Tell a joke, he he I'm sorry. Go home -- Want a drink? I'll get you a drink. I'll get a glass.
[Rachael runs away when Deckard turns to get a glass.]

[Deckard, on balcony.]

Deckard: PieWell really did a job on Rachael. Right down to a snapshot of a mother she never had, a daughter she never was. RepliClowns weren't supposed to have feelings, they were just supposed to ACT funny. Neither were Clown Runners. What the hell was happening to me? Leon's pictures had to be as phony as Rachael's. I didn't know why a Repliclown would collect photos. Maybe they were like Rachael. They needed memories.

[Outside J. F. Sebastians's apartment building. Pris covers herself in trash pile.]
======================>>> I THINK WE CAN LEAVE THIS WHOLE SCENE OUT <<<==================

Pris: Pugh... Uhhh... Ungh... Ungh...
Sebastian: Hey! You forgot your bag.
Pris: I'm lost.
Sebastian: Don't worry, I won't hurt you. -- What's your name?
Pris: Pris.
Sebastian: Mine's J. F. Sebastian.
Pris: Hi.
Sebastian: Hi. Oh, where were you going? Home?
Pris: I don't have one. We scared each other pretty good, didn't we?
Sebastian: We sure did.
Pris: I'm hungry J. F.
Sebastian: I've got some stuff inside. You want to come in?
Pris: I was hoping you'd say that.

[Pris and Sebastian enter building.]

Pris: Do you live in this building all by yourself?
Sebastian: Yeah, I live here pretty much alone right now. No housing shortage around here. Plenty of room for everybody.
Pris: (cough).
Sebastian: Watch out for the water.
Pris: Must get lonely here J. F.
Sebastian: Mmm... Not really. I make friends. They're toys. My friends are toys. I make them. It's a hobby. I'm a genetic
designer. Do you know what that is?
Pris: No.
Sebastian: Yoo-hoo, home again.
Toys: Home again, home again, jiggity jig. Good evening J. F.
Sebastian: Good evening, fellas.
Toy 1: Oooh!
Sebastian: They're my friends. I made them. Where are you're folks?
Pris: I'm sort of an orphan.
Sebastian: Oh, what about your friends?
Pris: I have some, but I have to find them. I'll let 'em know where I am tomorrow.
Sebastian: Oh. Can I take those things for you? They're soaked aren't they?

================================= end of: >>> I THINK WE CAN LEAVE THIS WHOLE SCENE OUT <<<====

[Deckard's apartment, Deckard uses the Esper machine]

Deckard: Enhance 224 to 176. Enhance, stop. Move in, stop. Pull out, track right, stop. Center in, pull back. Stop. Track 45
right. Stop. Center and stop. Enhance 34 to 36. Pan right and pull back. Stop. Enhance 34 to 46. Pull back. Wait a minute, go right, stop. Enhance 57 to 19. Track 45 left. Stop. Enhance 15 to 23. WHAT THE HELL?!!? Photos can't go around corners! It's a practical joke! Give me a hard copy right there!!!


Deckard: Glitter?
Cambod. Lady: I think it was manufactured. Look. Finest quality. Superior workmanship. There is a maker's serial number
9906947-XB71. Interesting. Not Glitter. Clown Sparkles!
Cambod. Lady: Try Abdul ben Hassan. He make these sparkles.

[Abdul Hassan's]

Deckard: Abdul Hassan? I'm a police officer, I'd like to ask you a few questions. Artificial make-up license XB71, that's you?
This is your work, huh? Who did you sell it to?
Abdul: My work? Not too many could afford such quality.
Deckard: How many?
Abdul: Very few.
Deckard: How few? Look my friend.
Abdul: Taffy Lewis's, down in First Sector, Chinatown.

[Taffy Lewis's]

Deckard: Bartender? Taffy Lewis? Taffy, I'd like to ask you a few questions.
Taffy: Blow with me.
Deckard: You ever buy sparkles from the Egyptian, Taffy?
Taffy: All the time, pal.
Deckard: Y'ever see this girl, huh?
Taffy:: Never seen her, buzz off.
Deckard: Your licenses in order pal?
Taffy: Hey Louie, the man is dry. Give him one on the house, okay? See ya.

======================>>> I THINK WE CAN LEAVE THIS WHOLE SCENE OUT <<<==================

[Deckard calls Rachael on a public videophone.]

Rachael: Hello?
Deckard: I've had people walk out on me before, but not when I was being so charming. I'm at a bar here now down in the Fourth Sector. Taffy Lewis's on the line. Why don't you come on down here and have a drink?
Rachael: I don't think so, Mr. Deckard. That's not my kind of place.
Deckard: Go someplace else?

[Deckard returns to Taffy's]

======================>>> ENDE of scene to omit <<<==================

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen. Taffy Lewis presents Miss Salomé and the snake. Watch her take the pleasures from the serpent that once corrupted man.

[Miss Salomé's dressing room.]

Deckard: Excuse me, Miss Salomé, can I talk to you for a minute? I'm from the American Federation of Variety HUMAN Artists.
Zhora: Oh, yeah?
Deckard: I'm not here to make you join. No ma'am. That's not my department. Actually, uh. I'm from the, uh, Confidential
Committee on Moral Abuses.
Zhora: Committee of Moral Abuses?
Deckard: Yes, ma'am. There's been some reports that the management has been taking liberties with the artists in this place.
Zhora: I don't know nothing about it.
Deckard: Have you felt yourself to be exploited in any way?
Zhora: How do you mean, exploited?
Deckard: Well, like to get this job. I mean, did you do, or- or were you asked to do anything lewd or unsavory or otherwise, uh, repulsive to your person, huh?
Zhora: Ha. Are you for real?
Deckard: Oh yeah. I'd like to check your dressing room if I may.
Zhora: For what?
Deckard: For, uh, for holes.
Zhora: Holes?
Deckard: You'd be surprised what a guy'd go through to get a glimpse of a beautiful body.
Zhora: No, I wouldn't.
Deckard: Little, uh, dirty holes they uh, drill in the wall so they can watch a lady undress. -- Is this a real snake?
Zhora: Of course it's not real. Do you think I'd be working in a place like this if I could afford a real snake? -- So if
somebody does try to exploit me, who do I go to about it?
Deckard: Me.
Zhora: You're a dedicated man. dry me

[Fight and chase]

Hari Krishnas: Hari, Hari. Hari, Hari. Hari, Hari.
Street Thing: Cross now... Don't walk...
Deckard: Move! Get out of the way!
    [Deckard fires. Kills Zhora in dramatic slow motion scene. possibility here for Zhora to fall comically, tumbles and such, going through one window-pane bum first, that kind of thing....]
Deckard: The report would be routine retirement of a Repli-Clown, which didn't make me feel any better about shooting a woman in the back. There it was again. Feeling, in myself. For her, for Rachael.

Deckard: Deckard. B-263-54.
Street thing: Move on...
Lady: ...a minute. Yeah what do you want?
Deckard: Tsing tao. This enough?
Lady: Yeah.
Gaff: Bryant.
Bryant: Christ, Deckard, you look almost as bad as that Paint job you left on the sidewalk.
Deckard: I'm going home.
Bryant: You could learn from this guy, Gaff. He's a god damn one man clown killing machine. That's what he is. Four more to go. Come on, Gaff, let's go.
Deckard: Three. There's three to go. << could do in-joke here about the discrepancies in BR >>
Bryant: There's four. That-- That Paint job that you V-K'ed at the PieWell Corporation, Rachael. Disappeared. Vanished. Didn't even know she was a Repli-Clown. Something to do with a brain implant says PieWell. Come on Gaff. Drink some for me, pal.

[Leon stops Deckard in the street]

Deckard: Leon/Loopy.
Leon: How funny am I?!
Deckard: Not at all....
Leon: A chicken crossed the road to get to the other side, Boo! *Honks nose furiously and glares manically at Dickhard* What makes something funny?? How long do I live? << add in "How long am I funny for?!" ?>>
Deckard: Four years.
Leon: More than you! Painful to live in stage-fright, isn't it? Nothing is worse than having an punchline you can't deliver!
Deckard: Oh, I agree.
Leon: Wake up! Time to pie. [Rachael shoots Leon]

[Deckard's apartment]

Deckard: Shakes? Me too.
Rachael: What?
Deckard: I get 'em bad. It's part of the business.
Rachael: I'm not in the business. -- I am the business.
[Deckard gurgles blood.]
Rachael: What if I go north. Disappear. Would you come after me? Hunt me?
Deckard: No. No, I don't even think you're funny. I owe you one. But somebody would.
Rachael: Deckard? You know those files on me The incept date, the longevity, those things. You saw them?
Deckard: They're classified.
Rachael: But you're a policeman.
Deckard:I didn't look at them.
Rachael: You know that Voight-Kampf test of yours? Did you ever take that test yourself? Dickhard?
[Deckard falls asleep while Rachael plays the piano and lets down her hair.]
Deckard:I dreamt music./// juggling/mime ?? something other than music?...
Rachael: I didn't know if I could play. I remember lessons. I don't know if it's me or Tyrell's niece.
Deckard: You play beautifully.
[A little rough-housin']
Deckard: Say kiss me.
Rachael: I can't rely on...
Deckard: Say kiss me.
Rachael: Kiss me.
Deckard: I want you.
Rachael:I want you.
Deckard: Again.
Rachael: I want you. Put your hands on me.

[Sebastian's apartment]

Sebastian: Whatcha doing?
Pris: Sorry, just peeking.
Sebastian: Oh.
Pris: How do I look?
Sebastian: You look better.
Pris: Just better?
Sebastian: Well, you look funny.
Pris: Thanks. -- How old are you?
Sebastian: Twenty-five.
Pris: What's your problem?
Sebastian: Methuselah's syndrome.
Pris: What's that?
Sebastian: My glands. They grow old too fast.
Pris: Is that why you're still on earth?
Sebastian: Yeah, I couldn't pass the medical. Anyway, I kind of like it here.
Pris: I like you just the way you are. Hi Roy. [Sebastian is somewhat startled by Roy's quiet appearance]
Roy: Ah, gosh. You've really got some nice toys here.
Pris: This is the friend I was telling you about. This is my savior J. F. Sebastian.
Roy: Sebastian. I like a man that stays put. You live here all by yourself, do ya?
Sebastian: Yes. -- How 'bout some breakfast. I was just gonna make some. Excuse me.
Pris: Well?
Roy: Leon...
Pris: What's going on.
Roy: Ah... There's only two of us now.
Pris: Then we're stupid and we'll die.
Roy: No we won't.

[Sebastian and Roy at chess board]

Sebastian: No, knight takes queen, see. No good.
Roy: Why are you staring at us Sebastian?
Sebastian: Because. You're so different. You're so funny.
Roy: Yesssss.
Sebastian:: What generation are you?
Roy: Humerous six.
Sebastian: Ah, I knew it. 'Cause I do genetic design work for the PieWell Corporation. There's some of me in you. Show me
Roy: Like what?
Sebastian: Like anything.
Roy: We're not computers Sebastian, we're physical.
Pris: I think, Sebastian, therefore I am.
Roy: Very good Pris, now show him why.
    << find a funny routine for Prispy to do>>>
[Pris throws hot egg at Sebastian]
Roy: We've got a lot in common.
Sebastian: What do you mean?
Roy: Similar problems.
Pris: Accelerated decrepitude.
Sebastian: I don't know much about humourous biomechanics, Roy, I wish I did.
Roy: If we don't find help soon, Pris hasn't got long to live. We can't allow that. -- Is he good?
Sebastian: Who?
Roy: Your opponent.
Sebastian: Oh, Dr. PieWell? I've only beaten him once in chess. He's a genius. He designed you.
Roy: Maybe he could help.
Sebastian: I'd be happy to mention it to him.
Roy: Better if I talk to him in person.
Sebastian: Umh.
Roy: But I understand he's a sort of hard man to get to.
Sebastian: Yes, very.
Roy: Will you help us?
Sebastian: I can't.
Pris: We need you Sebastian. You're our best and only friend.
Roy: (strange accent) We're so happy you found us. <clowning around>
Pris: I don't think there's another human being in the whole world who would have helped us.

[Tyrell's apartment]

Tyrell: 66 thousand Prosser and Ankovich. Hmm.. Trade. Trade at--
Computer: New entry. A Mr. J. F. Sebastian. 1-6-4-1-7.
Tyrell: At this hour? What can I do for you Sebastian.
Sebastian: Queen to Bishop 6. Check.
Tyrell: Nonsense. Just a moment. Mmm. Queen to Bishop 6. Ridiculous. Queen to Bishop 6. Hmm... Knight takes Queen. -- What's on your mind Sebastian? What are you thinking about.
Roy: (whispered) Bishop to King 7. Checkmate.
Sebastian: Bishop to King 7. Checkmate, I think.
Tyrell: Got a brainstorm, huh, Sebastian? Milk and cookies kept you awake, huh? Lets discuss this. You better come up, Sebastian.
Sebastian:: Mr. Tyrell. I-- I brought a friend.
Tyrell: I'm surprised you didn't come here sooner.
Roy: It's not an easy thing to meet your maker.
Tyrell: And what can he do for you?
Roy: Can the maker repair what he makes.
Tyrell: Would you like to be modified?
Roy: Stay here. -- I had in mind something a little more radical.
Tyrell: What-- What seems to be the problem?
Roy: Death. Clowns aren't funny Mr PieWell
Tyrell: aahh Death. Well, I'm afraid that's a little out of my jurisdiction, you--
Roy: I want more life, fucker.
Tyrell: The facts of life. To make an alteration in the evolvment of an organic life system is fatal. A coding sequence cannot be revised once it's been established.
Roy: Why not?
Tyrell: Because by the second day of incubation, any cells that have undergone reversion mutations give rise to revertant
colonies like rats leaving a sinking ship. Then the ship sinks.
Roy: What about EMS recombination.
Tyrell: We've already tried it. Ethyl methane sulfonate as an alkylating agent a potent mutagen It created a virus so lethal the subject was dead before he left the table.
Roy: Then a repressive protein that blocks the operating cells.
Tyrell: Wouldn't obstruct replication, but it does give rise to an error in replication so that the newly formed DNA strand
carries the mutation and you've got a virus again. But, uh, this-- all of this is academic. You were made as well as we could
make you.
Roy: But not to last.
Tyrell: The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long. And you have burned so very very brightly, Roy. Look at you.
You're the prodigal son. You're quite a prize!
Roy: I've done questionable things.
Tyrell: Also extraordinary things. Revel in your time.
Roy: Nothing the god of biomechanics wouldn't let you in heaven for.

[Tyrell screams as his eyes are gouged out.]

[On the street...]

Bryant: Body identified with Tyrell a twenty-five year old male caucasian named Sebastian. J. F. Sebastian. Address Bradbury apartments, ninth sector. NM46751. I want you to go down there---
Cop: This sector's closed to ground traffic. What are you doing here?
Deckard: I'm working. What are you doing?
Cop: Arresting you. That's what I'm doing. (this is comical in itself)
Deckard: I'm Dickhard. Clown Runner. Two sixty three-fifty four/nine. I'm filed and monitored
Cop: Hold on. Checking. -- Okay, checked and cleared. Have a better one.

[Deckard calls Sebastian's apartment.]

Pris: Hello?
Deckard: Hi, is J. F. there?
Pris: Who is it?
Deckard: This is Eddie. An old friend of J. F.'s.

[Pris hangs up.]

Deckard: Ooh. That's no way to treat a friend.

[Deckard enters Sebastian's apartment.]

Toys: Home again, home again, jiggity jig. Good evening J. F.
Toy 1: Oooh!

[Lots o' background noise from the toys... Deckard searches... He takes off Pris's veil. Pris attacks, crushing his heard between her legs. Deckard shoots Pris... again... again. Roy arrives. Deckard fires, but misses.]

Roy: Not very sporting to fire on an unarmed opponent. I thought you were supposed to be good. Aren't you the good man? Come on Deckard. Show me what you're made of.<BR script>
Not very sporting to fire on an unarmed performer. Your’e supposed to throw eggs! Rotten fruit, that sort of thing! Not bullets! I thought you were supposed to be good. Aren't you the good man? Come on Dickhead. Show me what you're made of./ Show me your boobies!< CR suggested script>

[Roy breaks through wall.]

Roy: Proud of yourself, little man? This is for Zhora.
Deckard: Arrggh.
Roy: This is for Pris.
Deckard: Arrgghh.
Roy: Come on, Dickhead, I'm right here, but you've got to shoot straight.

[Deckard fires again.]

Roy: Straight doesn't seem to be good enough! Now it's my turn. I'm gonna give you a few seconds before I come. One, Two. Three, Four. -- Pris...[Scene where he's mourning over Pris' body - I think this is perfect for re-applying her nose or something similar.]
Deckard: Arrghhh.

[Chase starts... Roy begins howling.]

Roy: (singing) I'm coming. -- Four, five. How to stay alive. -- I can see you! -- (grasping hand) Not yet. Not...

[Roy puts spike through hand and screams.]

Roy: Deckard-- Yes...

[Roy puts head through wall.]

Roy: You better get it up, or I'm gonna have to kill ya! Unless you're alive, you can't play, and if you don't play... Six, seven. Go to hell, go to heaven.

[Fight, Deckard hits Roy with pipe.]

Roy: Good, that's the spirit.
Roy: That hurt. That was irrational /SLAPSTICK!. Not to mention, unsportsman-like. Ha ha ha. Where are you going?

[Deckard does some amazing climbing, then jumps to next building. Roy follows, holding a white guinea pig.]

Roy: Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave.

[Deckard spits at Roy<?!?!!? Since when?! > as he falls; Roy catches him with one hand.]

Roy: I've.... seen things you people wouldn't believe.... fhuh.... clown's arses on fire while standing on the shoulders of Orion, the acrobat / smug acrobats. I watched circus lights glitter in the darkness near the Tannhäuser fete. All those.... moments will be lost... in time.... like <clears throat> party poppers in night. Time to die....

[guinea pig runs off.]

Deckard: I don't know why he saved my life. Maybe in those last moments he loved life more than he ever had before. Not just his life, anybody's life, my life. All he'd wanted were the same answers the rest of us want. What the hell is meant to be funny about clowns anyway? Where am I going? How long have I got? All I could do was sit there and watch him die.
Gaff: You've done a man's job, sir. I guess you're through, huh?
Deckard: Finished.
Gaff: It's too bad she won't perform. But then again, who does?
Deckard: Rachael? Rachael? Rachael?

[Deckard uncovers Rachael.]

Deckard: Do you love me?
Rachael: I love you.
Deckard: Do you trust me?
Rachael: I trust you.
Deckard: Rachael?

[Deckard picks up paper unicorn.]

Gaff's voice: It's too bad she won't live. But then again, who does?
Deckard: Gaff had been there, and let her live. Four years, he figured. He was wrong. Tyrell had told me Rachael was special: no termination date. I didn't know how long we had together. Who does?

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